You know, I have been told so many times what to do and how to act to have a better life. I remember my mother used to tell me that I should eat a lot of fruits to stay healthy.
If I wanted to go outside she would always tell me to take warm clothes because she didn’t want me to get some cold. She took care of me like I was a baby and, even if that annoyed me at that time, now I understand that she only took care of me like every mom takes care of her child.
And she wasn’t the only one, there were close people in my life who wanted me to always be safe. To keep me safe, they gave me advice about life. Some of it was useful so I listened but some advice I ignored completely.
What is the most interesting thing is that all those things were things that I would learn sooner or later in my life. I would learn these lessons when the right time would come but I am angry because nobody taught me how to act when you accidentally bump into the man who was your whole life and now he is just a stranger.
How do you act when you get out in the morning to just buy milk and bread for breakfast and you see him? How do you react when you know you are a mess and you would like to be the most beautiful woman when he sees you so he gets disappointed for losing you?
And you are standing there saying nothing and you would like that your mom is there to tell you what to do now. But there isn’t anyone there. Nobody except your heart that beats like crazy and the fuss in your head.
Your whole life with him runs in front of your eyes. You remember your evenings together while he was lying on your stomach while you were playing with his hair.
You remember all his promises about having a big family and a house with a backyard where your kids will play. And then his voice brings you to reality and you realize that you need to get out of this situation.
You would be so glad if the ground could just open and take you with it but you are still there in front of him while he is watching you with his eyes. And you know that look very well. You know what he is trying. You know it all but yet you don’t know anything. There is nobody to tell you how to get out of this situation.
There isn’t someone who will tell you how to move on like you were never together. You need someone who will help you carry that burden because you can’t take it alone anymore. You need someone to tell you how to act when you meet the man who was your everything but now behaves like he is just a stranger.
You need someone to tell you that you are in a good phase of your life now and that your current boyfriend is all that you need.
You want so damn hard to have someone in your life who will tell you what to do to move on from the day when he left you.
I need someone who will tell me how to get over something that finished but that won’t ever finish for me. No matter how much I try, it will never truly be over. How should I calm all these emotions that are waking up in my mind and my heart while you see him walking away from you?
How can I be calm while the one who was my everything is leaving like he never meant anything to me?
I know I am not calm now but I know that time heals everything and that maybe, but just maybe I will be able to love someone in the same way I loved you once.
Christine is the author of ‘Staring Into The Eyes Of Anxiety And Depression’, a book that will change the way you fight anxiety and depression.