Getting over an emotionally unavailable man is hard. Especially when that emotionally unavailable man keeps coming back. Let’s be real here. When you start a new relationship, you don’t expect it to end.
You always hope that he is going to be the one for you, that he’s going to show you that love is worth fighting for. And then, he shows you that he’s just another fucktard you fell hopelessly in love with.
How do you move on from that? You know that he’s not the one, you know that he screwed you over and over again, but hope is what breaks you every single time you think of him.
You still remember how amazing he was when you first met, you can still taste his lips on yours and you still hope he will come back.
But the thing is, emotionally unavailable men need to make that decision for themselves. No one can force them to change and grow up. No one can make them change except themselves. And that’s the sucky part.
So, what now? How do you properly move on from such a relationship where you felt like you were the only one who loved, where you felt like you were screaming at a brick wall and nothing happened?
Hell, you even believe that wall had more emotions than your ex did. How do you move on from a relationship where you gave your best and gained nothing but pain and frustration in return?
Let’s break it into a few parts. Firstly, we need to know what the hell he is going to do. Is he going to play the victim, make you jealous, rub it all in your face or is he going to deliver you the whole damn package?
Then, it’s important to know how to react and what to do. Spoiler alert: it involves the no contact rule.
Here are 5 things emotionally unavailable men do after a break-up:
1. Playing the victim
He will go around telling the story of how you’re the bad guy and he did nothing except love you the best way he knew. He will tell that story to anyone with a set of ears and tits.
Poor lad, he did nothing wrong and you ended it out of the blue. He’s simply doing this so he can keep his reputation. In this case, he has no intention of winning you back, instead he’s trying to make you snap and confirm his story.
The best thing you can do here is ignoring all of it. You and your friends know the truth and that’s all that matters. You know that you did your best and nothing happened. You know that you tried but he refused to do the same.
So, don’t give him the pleasure of winning once more. Ignore his lying ass and let those poor girls find out the truth the hard way. They won’t believe you anyway, even if you told them, he’s that good at his games.
2. Pushing your buttons with jealousy
He will rub his new girlfriend in your face until it starts driving you crazy and when you text him, asking about it, he will calmly inform you that your relationship is over.
You two have nothing to talk about, you moved on and so did he. He will make you wonder what the hell is the truth and what’s not.
Let me tell you, happy, grown-up people don’t fuck over their exes. They don’t play games and parade around with their new arm candy. And you know that he’s doing exactly that.
Give yourself a break and let him play all the games he wants. You’re better off without him anyway. Embrace your single life and this new opportunity life gave you.
Moving on to the next set of organs needed to boost his little ego is nothing more than a need for him.
You see, if he doesn’t find someone soon enough to boost his confidence, he needs to face the hell he put you through and actually think about his actions for a second. And that’s something he’s not familiar with. Thus, rebounding.
If you add the jealousy games to this, then you have a winner! An emotionally immature man who could put Barney Stinson to shame.
Consider yourself lucky here, you dodged a bullet in a way. It doesn’t mean it hurts less but it means that life gave you lemons for you to make a whiskey sour.
Disclaimer: Alcohol is not the answer but it sure as hell helps to solve some of life’s mysteries. Or create new ones. It’s fun, either way.
4. Friends with benefits
You know what he wants when he asks you to remain friends. He wants all the benefits of the relationship minus the commitment. Honey, you deserve more than that. You deserve more than being someone’s backup plan and safety net. And you deserve more than to be his late-night booty call.
This one is all up to you. If you can be friends with him, without all this beneficial shit going on, you go for it. Not everyone is the same and not everyone needs the same steps in order to heal.
Maybe you need to be close to him to remind yourself every day that you’re better off without him. Or you need him to disappear from the face of the earth. But whatever you do, remember to put yourself and your needs first. You deserve to be happy too.
5. Showing off
He goes off the radar for a while and all of a sudden he’s traveling the world, starting a successful business and he’s Instagramming the shit out of it all.
I mean, if he wasn’t that much into social media before, think a bit about the reason behind this new-found social media love. I think you already know the answer.
The reason behind all of this is to show you that he’s so much better than you are. Maybe what he did to you and the way he hurt you affected his ego and shook his world for a bit but have no fear—he’s back on his feet again.
He needs to be the best one out there, he needs to have the best chicks around him, the best car and to rub it all in your face. It’s his way of telling you that he has moved on and there’s no chance in hell you will ever get back together.
The solution to this? The no contact rule. Block him on all social media, delete his photos from your phone and do your best to ignore him. But don’t forget to remind yourself every single day that you are amazing and worthy and the fiercest human being out there. You swam oceans of your sadness and you conquered hell. He’s nothing compared to that.
Keep in mind that an emotionally unavailable man will never come back crawling to you. He is a master of manipulation and he will make you come to him, with all these games of jealousy, showing off, rebounding and staying friends with you.
The whole idea is that you see only the best of him, which is supposed to make you miss him like crazy. And the worst part? It actually works. When we’re in love, we’re not thinking clearly. And he knows it.
So, here are 5 things to do when your emotionally unavailable man keeps coming back:
1. Stay out of reach
Tell him that you’re done and show him. Every time he calls you, show him you’re not there for him. Every time he wants to make you jealous, show him that you don’t care.
Pretend that he’s no longer there and when it’s necessary to acknowledge his existence, give him an Academy Award-winning smile. Make sure that you are out of reach of him, from his games and toxic love.
2. Remember that it was never you
It was never your fault. His inability to commit and stay loyal has nothing to do with you. You gave your best, you worked your ass off for this relationship to work out.
And sometimes, it just doesn’t. Because it takes two for love and you were the only one working on it.
And every time he comes back to you, asking for a second chance or driving you crazy with his mind games, remind yourself that you’re better than that. Remind yourself that his immature ass doesn’t deserve your time.
3. Ignore the positives and believe the negatives
I’ve been there, where you are now. Always thinking about the good times we had together and all the times he made me feel like I was the most amazing woman out there. Like I was the only one for him and the world was at our feet.
But the thing is, it never was. I was never the only one for him and there was never a future for us to share. And it wasn’t until I realized the true nature of our relationship that I was able to move on.
If you are sure you don’t want him in your life anymore, focus on the negatives. Focus on all the times you stared at an empty screen, waiting for his message.
Focus on all the times he led you on, the times when he promised you the world and gave you nothing. See him for who he is, not the person he pretended he was.
4. Don’t put yourself at his beck and call and keep the no contact rule
When you’re involved with an emotionally unavailable man, the thing is that you control your role. At first, you don’t know who he is and you give him everything, because that’s just how you love. But later on, once you see him for who he is, it’s incredibly important for you to change that role.
Cut him off and don’t go running to him the moment he calls you. I get it, you still love him and you want to help him but you need to help yourself first!
And that’s exactly why keeping the no contact rule is essential for you to move on. It’s the only way that you can show him loud and clear that you have moved on and you’re no longer up for his games and manipulations. It’s time for him to look for another victim because you ain’t one.
5. Become the woman you always admired
That amazing, fierce woman who lets no one take away her worth. The woman who stands her ground, no matter what life throws at her. The woman who holds all the cards in her hands and knows how to deal them.
Guess what? You are already that woman. Just because you fell, it doesn’t mean you’re no longer her. Just because you believed and hoped, it doesn’t mean you’re not badass and fierce.
And just because you loved the wrong man, it doesn’t mean you’re less of a badass woman. You may lose your ground for a second but you know where you stand. Don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise!